Perhaps it's the nature of non-profits, but every so often I feel as though I am on a wild goose chase or a snipe hunt. Yesterday I found myself in the Kinsrow area near the stadium where they've built all of those apartment buildings that look alike, except for color. Most of them don't have an address, and you can't get in without a code. There is no parking on the streets, and the parking lots are for residents. I did manage to get into one building following in a resident. It was all cement and look alike doors. I was in the wrong building. It took me 30 minutes to find the right building, and then I couldn't get in. I was then late getting back, and lucky to get back in the building at work which locks up like a jail at 5.
And yet....This week I managed to get two people hooked up with SSVF, Darci's program that houses vets. I also connected with a couple of vets who would benefit from the kind of counseling that I learned at RAP. I also have spent a lot of time in the community, like the old days at LHC. Lastly it looks like I will have a Mindfulness class that could be open to anyone that has food stamps (they will have to be open with SVDP SNAP program).
So do I feel valuable? I don't know. Sometimes. What I do feel often is skilled. I know this community. I have great skills in motivational interviewing and mindful style counseling. My only problem I seem to have is arguing with what is. I just can't seem to get this acceptance thing, standing in my own two shoes, allowing myself to think and feel what my experience is in the moment.
This is difficult. Can I allow myself to feel just what I feel? Do I have to avoid it or resist it? Can I not simply be with it, no matter how uncomfortable? Am I able to experience fear without trying to change it, at the expense of my truth?
Just a little experiment. Take a moment, and just say "stop." Stop the thouhts, stop the feelings, and just for a moment experience what is left. It's a void, without thought, without feeling. It is peace. How long can you maintain it? Not long at first. But the reality of it is this is our natural state. Just like the sky today, you look up, all that gray parts for a moment and there is the ever present blue. Even when the thoughts and feelings return, they can now be seen against a background of this state.
Thanks to Adyashanti for that last thought.
Here are the factoids:
1. Many people still do not have voice mail.
2. When an "Obama phone" runs out of minutes you get a recording that says that the person is not accepting incoming calls.
3. The things that create satisfaction in the work place-doing the job right, feeling like our talents make a difference), are different from the things that create disatisfaction (the work place environment, relationships with co-workers, management, the bathroom).
4. When we are stressed we don't feel stress, we feel the physiological symptoms of fight or flight and we feel anxiety. Solution teach about and treat anxiety prior to the event.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of my friends from RAP, I miss you.